Prologue: So I guess I should describe my world before I describe myself. I live on a road. It's a very long road - infinite in fact. On one side of the road live the composite numbers; on the other the primes. At the beginning of the road lives our leader, the ur-prime. Beyond his house there are rumors of a zero, who represents everything that one does not. Luckily, one keeps him at bay. The first 100 or so houses are considered the capital and much prestige is awarded to them. From 101 until around 999999 is considered the doldrums or middle class. Beyond that much news comes but eventually you get to the outskirts, where the digits who are dozens of characters long reside. We have only heard strange rumors of those numbers, numbers who spend an eternity arguing over whether or not they are prime. The focus on primacy is due to only prime numbers being allotted a vote. When 12 protested and wanted a vote, she was scorned, due to her vote being cast by both 4 and 3 and 6 and 2 already having cast her vote. Of course, with all the voting powers concentrated on one side of the road the decisions they rule are predictably lopsided. It was long ago established by law that the highest honor belonged to the Mersennes, and other subsequences of the primes.
Life continued on in a sort of normal way until one entirely controversial verdict was passed. It was a new honor, no surprise there. It was the way in which it was reached though that caused an uproar. All the nonprimes and primes were to be paired up, the first with the first, second with the second etc. Then they were to be added together and if that total was equal to a prime number, it was to get a new badge. There was the typical murmur of discontent. "If I am a non-prime being used in this way, shouldn't I share in the honor too?" "What about the n-variable?" Things became really serious when the final decision was reached. 1 was added to the composites, which is a thing of some commonality. What was truly outlandish was that 0 was paired with 2.
Now when I say zero was a rumor, I meant a nasty one. Every number feared zero, it was a malevolent force that, in being, also did not be. It was rarely spoken of, except in hushed tones and hypotheticals. Here, however it was placed front and center, totally unavoidable. If the legislature had known that that decision was going to uproot the entire system as they knew it and cause immortal numbers to be assassinated and taste death for the first time, they probably would never've gone through with it.
Everyone remembers the morning when zero strolled into town.
Chapter One: A142348 or, The End of The World as We Know It
(to be continued)